When I was younger I used to think that the trains were these time machines created by God to let us re-visit the past. For some reason I decided that the A train was the direct train that would take me any where.
I thought the A was king. While other trains could only take you to a specific point in time, the A train had the power to take you any where,
any time you so desired. I always wanted to go back to the moment when I was still in Ecuador.
My parents had come to the United States and I was left behind when I was a child.
For a few years I would think that my Uncle was my father and my grandmother would be my mother. I was surrounded by family and loved by many. I remember it being happy times.
When the time came to bring me here to the United States, I had no idea of what was happening. To be fair, I was only four. When I landed in New York and the lady with the bright red dressed delivered me to my parents like a UPS package, I was scared. I barely knew who my real mom was and I had no idea of who my father was.
I CRIED… A LOT.
I would ask myself questions like, ‘Why did my parents let me go.’ I felt like I mustve done something completely wrong. I was a troubled child.
I didn’t know who these people were! I needed to escape and so I thought mis-behaving all the time would lead them to not wanting me anymore and maybe give me back. Maybe they would return to my little paradies.
Little by little I started realizing that they were my real parents. That my Uncle was my Uncle and my Grandmother was my Grandma.
Though since then it’s been rather hard trsuting others and even being closer to my family is sometimes troublesome.
It’s funny really. As I stand here seeing the train arrive, I’m thrown back to all sorts of memories of the past.
Maybe it is a time machine.
But this time I wouldn’t change major things about my life. Everything I have so far is because of the many choices I have made.
I’m lying, I would probably go back in time and stop myself from eating that extra meal or stop myself from spend money on fallout shelter. Seriously that’s become my addiction now. Fuck that game, HA.
Well, I think I’ll hop into this train and see where it takes me. Hopefully it’s somewhere fun!