Tired.

I really wish I could walk around, take pictures and then write about it all the time. It’s fun, it releases stress, and it allows me to be free.

Unfortunately I need to make money to pay rent, eat, and pay a bunch of other bills that I wonder why I have. Currently I work as a freelancer in the film and tv industry. It’s fun, its exciting sometimes, and it is most definitely TIRING.

The project I’m on is mentally exhausting. It drains my energy that by the time I get home I wonder what the hell I’ve done the whole day. I’m so used to it that at 10 am I go into auto-pilot until 7.

It’s terrifying sometimes. I am grateful for work. I truly am…but… I want stories.

It’s always in the back of my head. I want to sit down and create stories and in the small windows of time that I get, I write little by little to get it going.

It’s the urge I’m sure we all have. the Urge to create, to sing, to film, to paint, the urge of an artist. It scratches the surfaces of my head, desperately trying to get out. So I get tired.

Tired of saying I want to create stories and not creating them.

Tired of saying I WANT to tell stories and then blaming my surroundings for not doing it.

I’m tired of being scared.

Of being judged.

Of being a shadow of my words, while the lies shine beneath the stage light.

The wall stands tall in front of me, I lightly tapped it and tell the world I tried my hardest.

but

This time, I’m going to punch through this fucking wall.

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