Wonder world

Currently I’m sitting in a subway. I had a very strange tasting sandwich which I’m pretty sure I’m going to regret later on today as I desperately go looking for a bathroom because I’ll probably be doing something semi important and it’s in that moment my body will decide to say “now is the time to mess you up”. I do apologize for the nightmare inducing imagery and I promise I have a point. Subway sucks. That’s one of the points. 

For now I’ll prepare for the worse, and until that moment arrives I would like to say something. I’ve been indecisive about what I want for my career. For those who don’t know I work in the film industry. I wanted to be here because I want to tell stories and in my head the only way I can do such things is through film. I took a job as a DIT person and move into camera work as a camera assistant. It’s fine for now and I’ve been lucky enough to have met so many people and to learn as much as I did. Even now I continue to learn from different people in the industry. But every time I step onto a set I always look towards the director. I observe how he/she prepares for each day and how they work with different actors in order to tell the story they wish to tell. 

I want to be there. I want to be in that chair. Yet I find myself in this wonder world. It’s gloomy, cold, windy, it’s purgatory. Life is in auto pilot and I can’t switch it off because the money is okay and if I take that risk to switch… who knows if I’ll ever see a paycheck again. 

I know it’s very stupid of me to think this way and I should say screw it, let me take that dive… I want to take that dive; but what if I fail?

Everything we do has a meaning. We take the risk or we wonder why couldn’t do it. Are we not brave enough, are we not strong enough, these questions float through our heads screaming louder than thunder. 

Then you come to a decision. it’ll be a choice that will most definitely shape your future and sitting in this subway made me decide what I will do next. It’s funny how life works sometimes, but I feel motivated for what’s to come next. Until tomorrow my friends! (Also I’m rushing the ending because I am currently hunting for a bathroom. Happy nightmare 🙂 ).  

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